Sock Monkey Guns for Democracy

Members of the West Virginia Sock Monkey Association are restless and burdened with revolutionary ideas. We have decided that we don't have enough goals for our association.

Our primary goal, of course, continues to be installing the sock monkey as the official state animal. But we are making significant progress on that front and expect that to happen duriing the next session of the West Virignia Legislature. We have sent letters to key legislators telling them that we intend to donate to their next campaign if they vote for the sock monkey over the bear. We are willing to contribute as much as $2.35 and a five-pound bag of penuts to any legislator who votes for the monkey.

But sock monkeys are forward thinking and have a world view. In our musings at our last meeting, we decided on our next big project.

Sock monkeys will bring democracy to Southern West Virginia.

The idea came from Iraq and this nation's initiative to bring democracy to that war-torn country. We have concluded that if armed forces can bring democracy to Iraq, armed sock monkeys can certainly bring deomcracy to a region of West Virginia where democracty hasn't worked in more than half a century.

Our plans are not yet complete but we believe it must involve guns as part of a show of force since it's clear there are far too many people in that region who don't know what democracy is and don't want it whatever it is.

We believe we have orders from the Great Simian Creator to liberate these southern counties and make the region safe for democracy. Our early plans are to patrol polling places with guns as a show of force and solidarity.

Meanwhile, a subcommittee is working on a media blitz with the theme:

"What's the most dangerous animal in West Virginia? A Sock Monkey with a gun."

It Worked!!!!

I made the blog list on the Washington Post Web site!!

See it here.

WashingtonPost here I come

I have set a new goal for myself and for Sock Monkeys everywhere. I think if I link to enough Washington Post stories I can get my blog listed in the Washington Post Web site.

I'll begin by mentioning this Washington Post Story.

It's something about gasoline and President Bush. I'm all for President Bush and I like gasoline. Beyond that, I don't understand the article. But that doesn't matter.

Maybe that will be enough to get my blog listed on Washington Post Web site. We'll see.

My Dog Barkley

Barkley is my good friend. He is my dog though I trust his safety and upkeep to my employee, Dave Peyton.

We like to be convivial. We do not discuss politics, however, since he leans to the left and I lean toward Don Blankenship and other rich people who might someday give me money.

I like Barkley because he knows how to relax. He does it extremely well.

How does a monkey swagger?

Mr. Don Surber was sending me a subliminal message in his headline for this blog.

Can someone teach me how to swagger? My employee doesn't know how. All he knows is how to limp and I don't think that's a swagger.

Some Sock Monkeys Have All The Luck

Hre I am, stuck with an employee who doesn't have the resources to travel to Charleston, much less Tahiti.

Meanwhile, this Sock Monkey has all the fun.

If only Mr. Don Blankenship would call.......

The Peanut Effect

Mr. Don Surber of the Charleston Daily Mail says that no one is to blame for Hurricane Katrina.

He's wrong, but he didn't know. How could he?

Doubtlessly you have heard of the Butterfly Effect. It proposes that a butterful flapping its wings in Southeast Asia can cause a tornado in the Midwest.

Well, a few days before Hurricane Katrina, I ate too many peanuts. They gave me gas. It had to be expelled, if you know what I mean.

I have determined that the gas caused an unusual wind current which affected a low pressure area off the coast of Florida. It became a tropical depression as a result. You know the remainder of the story.

I am sorry. It's all my fault. I'll take the blame.

For the sake of conviviality, I'll never eat too many peanuts ever again.

A Convivial Proposal

At a hastily called meeting of the West Virginia Sock Monkey Association today, the board of directors decided it wants to do something.

We saw the pictures of the piles of sock monkeys at Tamarack. And we know there will be children at the Camp Dawson Center who have lost everything, including their toys. Some may have even lost their sock monkeys.

What would it take to get those Tamarack sock monkeys to Camp Dawson for the children? Dave Peyton, my employee, and I are ready to help.

Do any of the sock monkey employees at Tamarack have any ideas?