Sock Monkey Guns for Democracy
Our primary goal, of course, continues to be installing the sock monkey as the official state animal. But we are making significant progress on that front and expect that to happen duriing the next session of the West Virignia Legislature. We have sent letters to key legislators telling them that we intend to donate to their next campaign if they vote for the sock monkey over the bear. We are willing to contribute as much as $2.35 and a five-pound bag of penuts to any legislator who votes for the monkey.
But sock monkeys are forward thinking and have a world view. In our musings at our last meeting, we decided on our next big project.
Sock monkeys will bring democracy to Southern West Virginia.
The idea came from Iraq and this nation's initiative to bring democracy to that war-torn country. We have concluded that if armed forces can bring democracy to Iraq, armed sock monkeys can certainly bring deomcracy to a region of West Virginia where democracty hasn't worked in more than half a century.
Our plans are not yet complete but we believe it must involve guns as part of a show of force since it's clear there are far too many people in that region who don't know what democracy is and don't want it whatever it is.
We believe we have orders from the Great Simian Creator to liberate these southern counties and make the region safe for democracy. Our early plans are to patrol polling places with guns as a show of force and solidarity.
Meanwhile, a subcommittee is working on a media blitz with the theme:
"What's the most dangerous animal in West Virginia? A Sock Monkey with a gun."